I cannot tell you how often I have heard parents in my practice say that they will do anything for their children.

And it’s not just these parents but pretty much parents all over the globe utter those words at some point or other.

But when it comes to divorce and separation, those same parents do anything but…

Their focus becomes the anger and resentment they have towards their exes.  They become seemingly unaware of the fact that their arguments and fights are affecting their children and ultimately changing who they are.

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Is it just me or are family lawyers becoming progressively aware of the impact they have on separating parents and their children?

I often say that family solicitors are the first emergency service when it comes to divorce and separation.  These people are usually the first divorce professionals that one thinks of getting in touch with before family mediators, divorce coaches or McKenzie Friends.

Since launching The Divorce Magazine, I have noticed how an increasing number of solicitors are submitting content that leans towards encouraging parents to think about their children as they go through the divorce process and do the right thing by them.

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When I think of divorced and newly blending families, this African proverb always comes to mind. All the parental figures come together in their own way, bringing their own strengths, to raise the child(ren) together. Of course, it is tricky to comfortably blend the various familial dynamics so that everyone (birth parents, step-parents, ex-spouses, etc) do not feel threatened and their role displaced.

Mina asked me the other night: “Mama, what does Family mean?” and “Who is our family?”

Mina is right to need some clarification because we are forming extended family tribes in many directions. Mina’s father will be marrying soon and there may be a baby in the future. Alex and I are together with his 2 girls. There is also his Ex and her boyfriend.

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At the beginning of the war in Afghanistan (2001) the overall military divorce rate was at 2.6 percent and at the end of 2011 that figure rose to 3.7 percent. In terms of raw numbers it was something like 30,000 marriages that ended during the 2011 fiscal year. This puts the military at a higher divorce rate than US civilians, which was last recorded at 3.5 percent in 2009 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

These numbers can seem dramatic and troubling, and while they are obviously a signal that something is wrong, it is good to know that organizations and groups are also taking notice and measures are being taken to help military enter into healthy relationships and keep military marriages strong through rough times.

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